He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
And then the night went full on bisexual.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
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