My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
