come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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