Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
