Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
