ugly people sure do ruin things
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
