STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
