My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
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