my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
