Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
he thought i was a dude.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
