we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
