I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
is that a dick in a sweater?
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
