Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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