porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
