Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Randomize
