His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
