Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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