I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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