So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
