I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
