I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
