Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
