Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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