My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
