i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
