worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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