i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
