just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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