Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
