And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
