I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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