letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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