I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Randomize
