Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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