Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
