That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize