genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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