I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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