I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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