ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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