I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Randomize
