So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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