Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
