I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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