I'm gonna have a badass scar
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Randomize
