I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize
