i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Dignity is for republicans.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
