i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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