So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
