Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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