i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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