im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
this is an emotional support booty call
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
