it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
What a dumb baby whore.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
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