cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
