Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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