whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
FUCK WHALES
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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