does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
