The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
