if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
