It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
