I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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