I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize
