I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
