My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
