we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Randomize
