It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize