Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
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