guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Randomize
