i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Randomize
