Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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