I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Randomize
