life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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