Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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