you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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