I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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