just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Randomize
