I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
