fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Randomize
