There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
