is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
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