where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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