I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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