***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
