Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
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